Catblogging...

Well, Annie is trying to help with organization...

should I make a label for the side that says CAT...?

shock and awe???

Does this not look queenly??? NO, I am not trying to be royal with the white glove... I am doing my "oh I am so surprised" pose.
but if you think it looks like me blowing kisses to you... then you just enjoy that!

Tuesday's Top Ten...

Here are some things I have learned just this week.

10. I can do third grade math! Yeah for me!

9. I love love love new shoes. I didn't realize what a freak I can be about shoes. I didn't used to be such a shoe-aholic...
I still don't get paying $800 for a pair of shoes... and I don't understand a point in any sort of high heel what-so-ever... but I do love new shoes.

8. Converse shoes, especially, are the bomb. If you don't have any, you are not cool. sorry to break the news to you.

7. I am not a make-up girl. I went to sephora. I spent half the time figuring out what the purpose was to most of the things in the store. I am not meant to wear blue or purple eye shadow. I have no purpose in lip stick. Lipstick on me looks like an old grandma trying too hard...
I am not that girly. I do not see a point in make-overs as they make them over to look like big skanky hos.

6. You can cure hiccups by putting your face in ice water... or so they claim.

5. Having a party without people is sort of dissapointing. I guess we should have invited some.
More brisket for us, I guess.

4. I might complain about parts of my body, but I am really glad to not have man hands.

3. When the temperature gets into the triple digits (101 yesterday) in April, the electric company doesn't know what to do and there will be power outages. These are normal and not something to worry about.

2. Watching a movie long distance isn't as hard as it sounds and might be one of the funniest things I think I have ever done.

and the number one best thing I have learned this week.... (drum roll please!!!)

1. The labyrinth is the coolest thing about Lent. If you take the time to talk to God, he will listen and talk back.


The teacher in me can't help it... boys and girls, what are some things you have learned this week???
feel free to let me know in your comments.

P.U!!!

This picture totally cracks me up! I need this t-shirt.

BT was just smoking a super smelly cigar. PU!!!

I walked behind two ladies at the grocery store who left the biggest fart fog ever... PU!!!

why does my house smell like wet cat??? PU!!!

stink-o-rama....

Baby Doll

She stops and checks her reflection in a car parked on the corner
She says its hell on me this working down at the diner
Some people say man she was hot back when she was younger
Yeah well she was a dancer when she lived in LA

Well she was someone’s baby doll
A beauty queen to someone long ago
For the midnight show

Its time to wake up baby doll
Put your best dress and your high heals on
And dream your gone

When you close your eyes
You hear the music playing
You can see her dancing underneath the spotlight
And when she sleeps she dreams she’s back in Hollywood
When she was a younger girl – a pretty heart in a tainted world
Not sure who you wanna be
Your daddy’s little drama queen
I hope that when you find yourself
You’re more than just a baby doll
-Pat Green...

because...
when I taught kindergarten, there was a grandmother who insisted we call her grandchild sparkle baby. Like when calling roll, we had to call out... sparkle baby...
she was someone's baby doll... I always wondered how long she would have to be sparkle baby... junior high? High school?

because...
I hadn't heard this song in a long time and I love it.

because...
I hope you are someone's baby doll... forever and always.

because...
I hope that when you find yourself, you're more than just a baby doll.

yep...

I love this quote!

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh.
- WH Auden

Things I saw and heard today...

7:15 a.m. a little boy not more than 5, in spider man pajamas, running across the street. He handed the crossing guard a mug of coffee, ran back across the street and back in his house...cute!!!

7:45 a.m. an actual magic wand!! It lights up and makes magical noises! I must have one of these. I magic wanded all the kids in the hall and they were crazy quiet. I HAVE to get me one of those!!!

8:00 a.m. the caterpillars are here in first grade! I suggested to the teachers that they make sure to tell the kids that caterpillars don’t grow when it is noisy. It works for about 10 minutes... ah, silence!!

1:30 Ladybug sex!!! OMG I have seen more ladybug sex in the past week that I ever want to see!
Ladybugs have sex, I understand, for two hours at a time! Wow.

2:00 End of first grade recess. Air conditioning is on the blink. Things are really starting to STINK. The teachers are wilting!

2:15 Story time for first grade. I get shushed 15 times by the children for being too dramatic in the reading... "you are keeping our caterpillars from growing!"
who's idea was it to tell them caterpillars need quiet to grow?

3:20 Dismissal... a third grader came up to me and tried to save my soul!!
Him: Uh, I have a very important question to ask you
Me: uh (worry) ok...
Him: Is Jesus Christ your Lord and savior?
Me: uh, yeah.
Him: Are you a Christian?
Me: uh, yeah.
Him: oh good, cause if you weren't I was going to say you needed to come to my church.
Me: uh, yeah.

What is it about me that looks like I need saving?!!!


6:30 p.m. BT and I watch two men smoke pot in the car in front of Chilis. Are they working on developing an appetite for Chili's food? Skanky Mcskank Boobalicious pulls the two men out of the car, baby in tow, ready to eat.
OH MY.

It has been a day!

Questions...?????

A friend of mine says I ask WAY too many questions. As a matter of fact, he told me that if someone ever broke into the house, I could just ask that bad person questions to scare him away.
Ha ha.

So here are a few quesitons that I have been milling over...some deeper than others...some, you have answers for...some you don't.


*Why is it that every time I got to Sams, SOMEONE is eating pizza?
Are they starving? Does anyone ever say, Hey, I am hungry, let's go to Sams and eat pizza?
Have they ever tasted that pizza before?

*What is with the berry fetish that Dr. Pepper/Motts has? Since BT works there and brings samples of things, I can say first hand that there is a berry thing going on. It started with blueberry apple juice... gross, then some sort of tropical berry apple sauce... extra gross, then there is the new fancy shmancy berry cream Dr. Pepper... the jury is still out on that. Since I have a free coupon for a 12 pack, I guess we will see soon.

*What is it about Oprah that makes her seem like an expert on anything? I am totally not dissing on Oprah, I could honestly take her or leave her, but I work out with the "Oprah" crowd. They like to talk about her like she is an expert on EVERYTHING. I have had enough with the Oprah crowd. Why is there even an Oprah crowd???

*Why is it, when you think you have a breakthrough in the ever constant issue of bad hair days, and you think you have come up with the solution, your solution suddenly doesn't work when you have to present to 75 teachers for three hours?

*Why am I getting emails still about some kid's science project and sending postcards to some other country? Why do people forward these things? Why do they not check facts? Why does no one but me know how to go to www.snopes.com?

*How do I nicely tell someone to take me off of their joke email list?

*Why are tortillas not in the "mexican" section of the grocery store?

*When am I going to ever catch up on all the things I was supposed to do three months ago?

*Why is it that knitting is the new cool kid thing to do?

*Is panic! At the disco a group or a soundtrack?

*Why do people call you and not leave messages?

*Is the dog whisperer really whispering to dogs or is he just teaching the owners how to be better owners?

And in honor of Lent, I ask this question which is the most important one...

*When are we as Christians going to get that it is all less about judgement and totally about God's unlimited Grace?

Feel free to answer as many as you can. You will be not be graded, unless your answers are just stupid.
I have a dunce cap for that!

Big Plans

It is officially the 4th day of my spring break and therefore, on the down hill slope toward the end.
And what do I really have to show for it? Nothing.
I had big plans, you know. We all do. Big plans to change the world in our free time. Ah! Throw on your super hero cape and change the world!!! Big plans to catch up on the house that has been neglected, friends that have been neglected, knitting, blogs... all things that have been neglected. I had big plans to clean out closets and drawers. Big plans to clear out cabinets of clutter, and the garage of unneeded teacher stuff.
I had big plans to write blog after blog about my feelings/experiences. I had plans to write a novel, (ok, maybe not) and catch up on homework that MUST be done by next Tuesday. I had plans, but yet I sit and knit. I even tried to open the books today. "Oh, I will be studious and read," I thought. But the spring weather and the knitting called me to knit outside.
Oh, I will get one more row done and then... oh, gosh, now I have to change to knit 3, purl 3, I can't possibly stop now!
This is my world. Thus is my life.
My house looks at least like people could actually live in it now without catching some crazy disease. I will have dinner tonight with friends, so the catching up on neglected friends is getting better. And now, I blog. If nothing else that to tell you what a slacker I am.
If only I could type and knit at the same time!
But for now, on this, the Thursday of my spring break, the super hero cape is now neglected. It sits waiting for me to get the energy to actually DO half of the things I planned on doing.
Till then, I knit. But isn't that the point of Spring Break? To actually take a BREAK from the crazy things in life? Isn't that the point, to take it easy, spend some time with us, our families, and our friends? or am I just making excuses? Or does it really matter?

For now, I will just work on kitting a person who can wear the cape and do the work for me.

TEXAS

Yep. today is the day!!!
Happy birthday to my uncle bill... and happy independence, Texas.
:)
Yippee.

Sushi

hmmm... sushi is a strange word. It is fun to say though. The way your mouth moves when you say it.
As if forcing you to smile.
Sushi is an acquired taste. Some people think it is too fishy. Others just don't get it all together.
Sushi isn't strange to HAVE for lunch. But it is strange to BRING for lunch in a sponge bob lunchbox, when you are wearing cat shoes.
I am just saying....

Just a thought...

There are things you can't write in a blog. NO matter how much they stick to the core of your being. No matter how strongly you believe them, think about them, become them, the words don't come. They can't come. People might worry about you if you say them. People might wonder. People might laugh or think differently about you. So you keep them inside in that safe place you call your heart. You trust them to your closest friends, but you don't dare to write them down. Doing so would make it all the more real.

fever blisters and cat shoes...

It is funny the kinds of things you get stuck in your head.
No amount of reasoning can help it.
I had to have been 7, maybe 8 when I saw a high school kid on crutches. I asked his friend, also a smart assed teenager what happened to make the guy break his leg. The friend told me, as matter of factly as he could, that the guy hadn't cut his toenails, had fallen, and broke his leg. When you are 8, these things are logical. Young brains can reason out anything. Even now, I know how bones break, but you can bet my toenails are always super short.

Funny how things get stuck in your head.

When I was in high school, I kissed a boy. Not just any boy. My boyfriend's best friend. Long story. Very long story. But the next day, I had the biggest fever blister of my life! Bigger than life, I thought. Oh crap. Does Boyfriend's best friend have one too? Surely that would be our sign to the world! Surely that would tell on us.
But luckily for us, he didn't. I still carried around the fever blister, my own little scarlet letter that only I knew about.

Funny how things get stuck in your head.

January was, for better words, a craptastic month for me. Pretty crappy indeed. I screwed some things up pretty badly and I beat myself up pretty well for it.
I didn't do anything like kiss a boy I shouldn't have, but I did do some stupid stuff. And all of a sudden, there comes a fever blister. There comes my scarlet A for all to see. My big sign announcing to the world what a screw up I am.

Funny how things get stuck in your head.

So, I have been carrying around the scars of a fever blister now for a month. It hasn't healed. It hasn't gone away. I can't seem to heal either. I can't seem to let go of the past and my being less than perfect. I can't seem to heal the emotional scar either. But I am working on it.

Funny how things get stuck in your head.

I bought some cat shoes the other day. I decided that they would get me out of my funk. They were my good luck charms. They were going to heal my scars.
I know, really and truly that only I can forgive myself for letting myself down, shoes won't do that for me... but in my mind, they are what will escape me from my funk. So far they are working.

Funny how things get stuck in your head...and on your feet.

Kryptonite

I bow down to the power of the calendar. I do. You are my Kryptonite. You are my weakness and I humbly acknowledge that fact. I don’t deny it. I don’t try to fight it. I know. I made a mistake. I confidently filled you, dear calendar, with all of my important information. All of my plans for the near future. All of my hopes and dreams for the coming weeks, I unabashedly gave to you, blindly and hopefully. You had stayed with me for so long. You were my robin, my girl Friday (get it… calendar, Friday…), my great sidekick. You were there. You were true blue. You were reliable.

Can we get together Saturday for dinner?
OH, let me check my calendar…
Can you present a writing session next Thursday?
Oh, I am pretty sure but let me check my calendar…
You were right by my side.
And then you weren’t… and my world changed.

It was a pretty sudden thing actually. One minute I was marking in you, giving you more of my plans for the future as I always do, and next thing I knew, you were gone.
And like a flash, as if lightning had struck, my world was changed.
I was dumb. My brain was gone. I was lost.

BT: What are we doing next weekend?
Me: uh, I don’t know… uh, (drool)

It was like I was walking in a fog. I was half there. Like that feeling you get when you drink too much Nyquil… I couldn’t shake it.
What was wrong with me? Not enough sleep? Not enough vegetables? Not enough vitamins? I tried them all. But you calendar, you knew my real weakness… you knew what would get to me more than anything else. You knew this couldn’t be solved with echinatia.
You knew.
I even tried to recreate you. Called people, borrowed their brains for a while, used their memories. It worked for a little while, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was inferior substitute compared to you and your powers.

You must have felt sorry for me, beloved calendar, because you showed up.
I couldn’t have been happier! I instantly felt myself get smarter.
I instantly felt the fog lift.
I know now. I will not be so careless.
So I bow down to you my dear calendar. You rock. You are the bee’s knees.
Thanks for coming back.
My family thanks you. My brain especially thanks you.
Now, can you help me find my keys?

Letter to God

Hey God.
Yeah it is me again. I've been talking to you a lot lately.
I just wanted to say thanks for some stuff if you don't mind.
Thanks first of all for my family. They so rock my world. I got my independence and my stubbornness from my parents. They can argue about which side of the family...
Thanks for BT and Annie.
I like that they are beside me every night in bed.
That makes me feel pretty warm and cozy and safe even if they are snoring like crazy.

Thanks for my friendship with that hughman. Between him and BT, I laugh like nobody's business these days.
Thanks for Polly... without her, that hugh would be a little lost in the world.
Thanks for my friends. I totally love that they are there and know little secrets about me. (even if they give me a hard time about having a pony)
Thanks for pirates. period.
Thanks for prayer and the way you give us a direct line to you. No long distance charges! No need for expensive internet! Wow. Totally cool.
You rock God.
Thanks for teenagers and the chance to show them Your Love and Grace this weekend and every weekend.
Thanks for life and love and passion.

Oh, and thanks for being you.
Yeah God.
Keep doing what you are doing.

Love,
Me

Christmas Quiz...

We live for these things!!!

pssst. pass it on.
to those of you who have been giving me problems about not writing...
I answer these and then pass them on to you.
I will EXPECT to see them on your blog soon.
:)

What you want for Christmas... if your friends were millionaires: a new boat for BT, all bills paid, uh, maybe my own movie theatre?

What you want for Christmas... for real: I got baby chicks... what more could I want?

What you want for Christmas... in abstract: the end of AIDS...and no more cancer...ever.

Year of the first Christmas you can remember: I think I only remember it because there is video of the thing... learning to fish in front of the tree with my dad.

Ever in a holiday play? When? I was of course, Lucy in the Charlie Brown Christmas in junior high.
An early Christmas memory? walking into the living room and seeing my swing set, set up in the living room... or maybe the box of springs Santa gave me, that came with the trampoline. Imagine my face though when I saw just a box of springs... I was like WTF?. Yeah, I was spoiled. I did have a pony.

Favorite holiday ornament (Past and present)Past: My friend Darren decorated the coolest ornaments with holiday scenes. those are my fave.

Classic Christmas song you never get tired of: God Rest ye Merry Gentlemen

Classic Christmas song you loathe: O Tannenbaum... uh. ode to a freakin tree... hate it.

Modern Christmas song you never get tired of: Baby It's cold outside is that a Christmas song? Also Santa looked a lot like Daddy rocks too.

Modern Christmas song you loathe: Grandma got run over by a reindeer...stupid
How many languages can you say "Merry Christmas" in? English, Spanish, Hawaiian. Mele Kaliki Maka

Naughty or Nice? I would say, mostly nice...

Favorite Christmas Ghost: Ghost of Christmas Past...of course.

Favorite Misfit Toy: a reindeer that poops jelly beans.
Can you wrap presents well? My mom used to be a professional wrapper... insert Kanye West, Eminem joke here.

What tops your tree? tree? what tree?

If you were a Christmas elf, what would your name be? OOOOOHHHH. I love this question....ummm... but can't think of anything good right now... leave comments for suggestions...

Who's IT: spideygirl, revmommy, chaos, entropy, sparks, joker, other rlp pirates, ging, New Anglican (only if he can find a way to answer from the book of common prayer), BT, My mom...this will force her to get a blog. anyone else who is up to the challenge.

Nativity

I decided this year to be quite bah-humbuggy about Christmas decorations. Right after Thanksgiving, I didn't have the energy, or the desire to get out Christmas Decorations. When I did eventually have time, it seemed too late to even bother. Why get them out when I would just have to put them away in a week? I know, bah- humbug. I figured I would only get out the necessities... the nativity scene and the stockings (gotta have Santa fill those up!) but I realized... I didn't have a nativity scene.

When I was young, we had the coolest nativity scene. Made totally out of cardboard...or cardstock or something like that. It was like paper dolls. They would store flat, and you would have to bend paper and fit tabs into things to make the shepherds stand up. I think the manger was even three-dimensional when put all together. No clue where my mom got it. Maybe from a paper doll kind of book? Who knows. For something so simple, the pictures were so intricate and beautiful.
This thing got so worn out from years of us putting it together, that my mom had to laminate it to get it sturdier. As far as I know, she still puts it together every year.

A few years ago, when I was really crafty into clay, I fashioned my mom a nativity scene made entirely out of polymer clay. Even though I am not artistic, and it looks like something a fifth grader could have done, I am proud of it. It is me.

My friend Ging was sort of complaining a month ago, in a mom sort of way, about her nativity scene. It seems the little boy genius had been playing with the porcelain baby Jesus and had lost him. hmmm. Quite the predicament. So we were thrilled to see in the store, a little kid plastic play set of the nativity.
I will admit that at first I had issues with this plastic play set. I had problems with, for some reason, little kids making up their own version of the story... (this coming from the girl who proudly owns an action figure Jesus?)

But then, isn't that what has happened for ages now? We all have made up our own story of the birth of Jesus? Sorry folks, it never talks about Mary riding a donkey. Sorry people, It never says how many wise men were there. Could have been 3, could have been 20. Who knows.
It was strange to me, reading the Gospels to figure out just how much of OUR story of the birth of our savior was missing from the actual text.
Why? Why had we, for many many years, added details to the story? To make it nicer, more festive?

The little boy genius, I hear, makes the shepherd wear the king’s clothes. The angel likes to be snuck in with him on shopping trips, and I am sure baby Jesus is lost on a regular basis. And that is ok. Kid, you make up your own story of the birth of Baby Jesus. Everyone else has.
And does it matter? I guess not. What matters is we worship Him and we know that with his birth, comes miracles, love, grace, patience, and forgiveness. That is the True Story of Christmas my friends, forever and always.
Merry Christmas!

never enough time...

This has been one of the funniest weeks EVAH... and I have NO time to blog about it. Next week I will officially be on vacation and maybe can blog some of the funny stuff.
I just hope my crazy mind can remember things by then!

ah, musicals... or how addicted to RENT I am...

My mom was a speech and drama teacher when I was growing up. I went to my share of play practices. I learned all the lines, even when the teenagers couldn't. And I was especially in love with musicals. Love isn't even the word for it.
I worshiped musicals. I can remember turning on the soundtrack of the day, putting on my sock feet, and sliding, dancing and singing all around the living room. I was every character in every show. I was the guy wanting to take the girl on the surrey with the fringe on the top. I was the girl who can't say no. I was the girl who's dad put a fence up between her and her boyfriend's house. I could sing and dance them all baby!
And it didn't end when I was 10. Oh no. When BT and I saw Chicago when we lived in Indiana, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Cell Block Tango was MY song. He did have it coming...
And imagine my surprise to find out that BT HATED musicals. With every fiber of his being... HATED. Ugh.
Are you sure you are my soul mate?

So, I had to have Ginger drive 2 plus hours to go with me to see the movie Rent.
Poor Ging...
:)
So now, I have listened to the soundtrack five hundred twenty five thousand, six hundred times. I can sing every note, every line. I could be Benny, or Joanne, or Mark. I love it all.
I love love it all.
So, if you are driving down the street and you see some crazy woman singing... maybe doing a few "jazz hands" moves, just keep driving... and enjoy the show!