No amount of reasoning can help it.
I had to have been 7, maybe 8 when I saw a high school kid on crutches. I asked his friend, also a smart assed teenager what happened to make the guy break his leg. The friend told me, as matter of factly as he could, that the guy hadn't cut his toenails, had fallen, and broke his leg. When you are 8, these things are logical. Young brains can reason out anything. Even now, I know how bones break, but you can bet my toenails are always super short.
Funny how things get stuck in your head.
When I was in high school, I kissed a boy. Not just any boy. My boyfriend's best friend. Long story. Very long story. But the next day, I had the biggest fever blister of my life! Bigger than life, I thought. Oh crap. Does Boyfriend's best friend have one too? Surely that would be our sign to the world! Surely that would tell on us.
But luckily for us, he didn't. I still carried around the fever blister, my own little scarlet letter that only I knew about.
Funny how things get stuck in your head.
January was, for better words, a craptastic month for me. Pretty crappy indeed. I screwed some things up pretty badly and I beat myself up pretty well for it.
I didn't do anything like kiss a boy I shouldn't have, but I did do some stupid stuff. And all of a sudden, there comes a fever blister. There comes my scarlet A for all to see. My big sign announcing to the world what a screw up I am.
Funny how things get stuck in your head.
So, I have been carrying around the scars of a fever blister now for a month. It hasn't healed. It hasn't gone away. I can't seem to heal either. I can't seem to let go of the past and my being less than perfect. I can't seem to heal the emotional scar either. But I am working on it.
Funny how things get stuck in your head.
I bought some cat shoes the other day. I decided that they would get me out of my funk. They were my good luck charms. They were going to heal my scars.
I know, really and truly that only I can forgive myself for letting myself down, shoes won't do that for me... but in my mind, they are what will escape me from my funk. So far they are working.
Funny how things get stuck in your head...and on your feet.
