Faith

This past Tuesday, I got up early and wandered into my closet to find the perfect clothes for the day.  As I got ready, slipped into the flag sweater and drove to the polling place, I could feel a pit in my stomach.  I had been debating for a long time about who to vote for.  Quite honestly, I didn't like either one of them.  I didn't want to vote for either one of them.  

As I stood there and colored in the big square next to a name in dark print, I prayed silently.  I prayed for God to give whomever takes the job guidance and understanding.  I prayed for our country to work together and for things to get better.  

And as we sat and watched the polling information come in that night, I prayed again...for clarity for people of our country.  For Hope, and for good will.  

I watched as people (some of my great friends) cried, and laughed, chanted and celebrated. They have so much faith in one man, in the fact that he will produce change.  I didn't celebrate.  Not that I am not happy that he won.  I didn't celebrate because quite honestly, I have no faith in either one of them.  I have no faith in politicians to do what is right.  I have, quite frankly, very little faith in people.

My mom told me early on that I hold people to very high standards.  Then I get disappointed when they don't meet those standards.  She is so so right.  That is me.  Hence, my lack of faith in people.  They just disappoint me.

But God on the other hand, God I have faith in.  God is the one thing that I feel comfort about.  God is there.  No matter what.  

Don't get me wrong.  There have been days when I was PISSED at God.  When I wanted answers.  When I wanted to know WHY and WHEN and HOW and WHAT.  And I wanted those answers then and now.  

When BT lost his job was the first time I felt it.  I mean really felt it.  God was there, but I didn't want to speak to God.  Its like a good friend, who comes to see you every day and you sit there refusing to talk to him/her.  The friend calls you every day and you don't answer.  God wasn't gone.  I was.

And then there was the latest issue with God...

Every year, our church has a labyrinth.  As I walk through it, I talk to God. I love to get to the center of the labyrinth and just sit, listening for God to speak to me.  As I slowly walk out, I leave feeling a sense of clarity.  A sense of Grace.  And a sense of Peace.  

This past January, I walked into the labyrinth looking for answers.  I wanted a relationship with God.  I wanted to sit in the middle and soak up God's love.  But as I prayed, I watched myself as in slow motion walking out of the labyrinth.  Never once in that prayer time, in my walking, had I reached the middle.  I had walked in just as confused as I left.  

Even then, in the midst of chaos and confusion, I didn't doubt that God was there.  

I did doubt why God walked me out without full clarity.  But I didn't doubt that God was still there.

My prayer for you friend, is for you to know in the core of your being that God is there. 

You may be pissed at God.  You may be unsure of God's plans for you.  But know... beyond a Shadow of a Doubt, that God loves you.

Have faith in God.  The faith in people will come later.  At least I hope so.

Quote of the week...

So Braylon came in recently for his Reading Lesson.  Stopped mid walk, put his nose up in the air, and sniffed.  He then made a face and walked over to the table, books in hand and said with an indignant tone, "It smells like ball in here!".  

Ball?  Like a sweaty dance Cinderella attended?  

Or like a football?  Basketball?  And can it really smell like ball?

Ah, must be my  new Ball Perfume I got at the mall!

My other job...

My afternoon duty requires me to stand outside in the elements in front of traffic and make sure that cars are moving and kids are getting picked up safely.  Not an easy task when parents scream and curse at you for not letting them park their car in the drive through.  Not an easy task when parents lead their children into ongoing traffic.  Not an easy task when it is 900 degrees outside.  Not an easy task at all.

Days like these make me want another job.

So Thursday I was walking through a classroom to get to my "office" (My office is just a closet behind someone's classroom.  I have to actually walk through this classroom to get to my space...fancy huh?) and I am carrying a stop sign.  Maybe this time people will look at me as more official if I have a stop sign?  Maybe I would get yelled at less with the stop sign in my hand?  Maybe as soon as parents start yelling obscenities, I can flash the stop sign and the mean nasty comments will act as a force field, protecting me from meanness??? OK so I can dream right?

So I was walking through the classroom on my way to outside duty when this little girl jumps up from her seat and runs over to me.  In her very loud 6 year old voice, she shouts... "Oh, I know you!  You work on the streets!!!"

Yes folks.  My new job... working on the streets.  And I was wondering why I made extra money this month in my paycheck... I said I wanted a different job... just not sure I would want that one. 

:) 

Saturday Love Fest

Since I was in such a bad mood on Friday, I wanted to perk myself up with some lovin'

things  that make me laugh/smile

*Halloween

*anything referencing pirates

*children's laughter

*my friend Saba

*good news

*peppermint ice cream

*my fat baby boots

*texts from George

*reading 4 books at the same time

*being married for 10 years.

*my cat who will sit on the computer desk just to hang out with me

*extra money in my paycheck (cause I am worth it!) hee hee.

*impressions of people

*tests that come back negative.

*have I ever mentioned sonic ice?

hope you find something to make you smile today.

My two cents...

So I hate to make phone calls. Just something I hate to do. I don't like calling to order a pizza. I don't like calling to make inquiries about things. And calling a student's parents is the WORST! I just don't like to do it. It's not that I am afraid that someone will be mean to me or that they will think badly of me. I just don't like to do it. But sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes it HAS to happen. Like it or not.

So today in church, we read a parable about brothers that Jesus told. Oh that Jesus. He always spoke in parables. Love that! So Jesus told about these two brothers...the father asked them to work for him. One brother refused, but then repented and did the work. The other, readily and happily told his father he would do the work, but then got distracted and never actually followed through and did the work. What was the difference in the two brothers? Besides their desire or lack of desire to do work? Action. It is all about action and actually doing what they needed to do.

How many times are we the ones who don't actually take action? The ones who say we are happy to do what needs to be done but then make excuses? I think we easily fall into the trap of making excuses.

Oh gosh, I couldn't call. The phone will be busy. I don't have enough time to spend on that phone call... excuses.

But ultimately, it is all about Action. It is about what we DO, not what we say we will do.

So if you are miserable, if you are tired of living the way you are living, do something about it. Action.

If you are wondering why our world isn't the way it is, do something about it. Action.

If you are tired of the world being the way it is? Do something about it. Action.

Rob Bell's new book, Jesus Wants to Save Christians, talks a lot about this. From the book of Exodus, God suggests and wants action. God wants us to complete the life that He started in Genesis. God wants action. God needs action. God wants us to change the world.

Sometimes it is hard. It requires things from us we didn't know we could do. Sometimes it is easy and all it requires is a phone call. What are you willing to do?
Make the call? Or sit around and blame others? It is all about you. It is all about me. It is all about action.

Quotes from a new school year....

Well, we have had 9 days of school so far and all is well.  The new batch of first graders are so cute!  

Here are some recent quotes that made me laugh...

Ean is my new best friend.  He is so serious all of the time.  Due to his shaggy Beatles hair cut, his eyes are hard to see.  He looks like a grown up in a little body.  He speaks in a monotone voice and rarely shows expression in his face.  

So when he was asked to tell me about his favorite food, he told me fish.  He loves fish.  Then I asked him to draw a picture of himself eating fish. 

He drew flowers, plants, grass, trees.  (Ok, so you catch fish?) Then he drew a little stick figure body with some hair standing by a tree.  (you have picnics eating fish?  Is that allowed in the picnic rule book?) And on his little stick figure arm, he attaches a box.  One white box.  I am quite confused at this point and I say, "so, where is the fish that you love to eat?  He points to the white unlabeled box.  "There," he says.  "My fish is there."  His teacher tries to help by asking if he goes fishing.  "NO" he says with a certain look.  "Oh," his teacher says, "your fish doesn't look like this?" she asks, drawing a pond and a quick little circly thing that looks like a cartoon fish.  

"No. My fish never looks like that" he says as serious as his little 6 year old face can be.  "My fish comes in a box and it is delicious!"

OH MY.

Yesterday, he came to school in tears clutching his stomach in pain.

He demanded he see the nurse.  

In order to assess whether a pass to the nurse was needed, his teacher and I did some investigation...

Teacher: Do you need to go to the bathroom?

E: No.

T: Do you need to get a drink?

E: NO.

T: Did  you eat breakfast this morning?  (this is the cause of stomach pain most of the time at our school in the mornings) 

E: Yes.

T: Here at school or at home? (Sometimes breakfast at school could cause WAY more than a stomachache. ) 

E: At home.

T: What did you eat for breakfast?

E: (the most exhausted sounding and with the most expression he could muster... which wasn't much but enough to notice)   Stuff!  That stuff!  You know...the stuff on a plate!!! 

Ugh.

Of course.  The stuff on the plate.  How could I have been so stupid?

Oh Ean.  You are my new friend.  I can't wait in the next 170 days to hang out with you and gain more wisdom and knowledge.

Things I love...

In the middle of all of the drama and stress... I could spend my blog time venting about life.  I could vent about work and about manipulative people, but no.

I choose to write about things I love...

Not in any particular order...

laughing

Sonic Ice

BT and his wit.

BT and his kindness

BT and his face

singing loudly in the car to musicals

Avenue Q

My parents

My laptop named Hobbes

That Saba got an iphone for her birthday

The way George and I make mean faces at each other in the hall

Thai food yummmmmm

drag shows

bingo

not going to Graduate School ANY MORE!

Watching snails.

playing with Owen and Miles

Shopping with Ginger

Debating theology with Sharon

Shaking things up.

Speaking my mind

Loving other people with my whole heart.

first graders

going to the movies on Sunday afternoons

the way my cat snuggles with me every night

grace

teenagers

kindness

immodium

boots

watermelon

corn on the cob

street meat

festivals 

craft shows

Canton

my life...

What do you love?

Hi there

Yeah, I know.  It has been a while.

Sorry for that.

I have been writing a paper and such.  

Really, I have just been wondering if it is worth writing here anymore.

Still thinking.

Till then, let me tell you about a few things I am excited about...

* GRADUATION!!!  Yep. It is about freakin' time.

* REATA after said graduation.  hhhmmmm... cheese grits.

* seeing my friend Owen. Oh, and his mommy Ginger

* going to movies on Sunday afternoons again. (this was a past time during Christmas break...when I had time) 

* knitting again.

* The Gods Aren't Angry DVD. (one day I will write about that experience.  It was amazing)

* Vacation in July.

so, what are you excited about?

:)