Frat Boy

I want to be a frat boy. I mean not in the hazing, having to pay for friends sort of way... oh no. There are reasons I didn't join any sort of Greek Organization in college...
And I know I am not a guy... I get that. Being an actual Frat Boy isn't quite possible.

But... If I were, it would be so awesome!
I could wear the baggy sloppy khaki shorts with big pockets and not really care how I looked.
In the same vein, I could also wear the cool kid party t-shirts.
I would have a beer belly and slop around in my flip-flops.
I would wear the old trucker caps and look sooo good.
I would curse and spit. Oh yes!! Spitting is a must when you are a frat boy.
I would say stuff like, "dude" and "oh man" and not look like a total freak.
I could talk about football and not worry about hygiene. I could scratch myself in public! I could have actual farting contests and maybe even set a few of those farts on fire. Cause fart fire is always cool when you are a frat boy.
Yep. NO more having to paint my toenails, or work out, or shave my legs. No more having to wear sweaters. Frat Boys don't wear sweaters. NO more close toed shoes.
No more stress and worry... just sloppy and fun.
I am SO there!
Dude, where's the party???